Recently Jonathan Ross has been attacked! He made some very funny jokes about a Satanic Slut his friend Russel Brand screwed over a couch, and then did a public service by calling the girl's grandfather live on radio to let him know. For this he deserves a raise, we are starting to take a collection because not only did he not get a raise, but he got laid off for weeks. Imagine. We need to make this a priority and raise £16,000 a day to cover his losses. Eat less. Buy less. Send your money to the Ross Cause, a non-registered charity audited by Doofus McDoofus. We cannot just let him go without.
We do not need petitions for people like Gary Mckinnon or Kerry Howes, don't worry about them, they can get screwed in US jails and rot, but we have a real emergency here with Jonathan Ross. Help us out. Give till you got nothing left, then go rob a deli and give some more.